Self-esteem is how we perceive ourselves; what we think about ourselves and how much we value ourselves. Our self-esteem is made up of thoughts and opinions, often formed in our early years, about who we are and what we’re capable of.

These thoughts and opinions tend to be influenced by experiences we have and/or the people we’re surrounded by. For example, someone with a particularly critical parent, or someone who was bullied at school may find they struggle with low self-esteem.

The beliefs we have about ourselves can feel ingrained and difficult to change. The good news is that they can be changed, it just takes work. There are several ways you can help yourself raise your self-esteem, including personal development work (such as developing self-compassion and setting yourself small challenges) and hypnotherapy.

Hypnotherapy can be very effective for improving self-esteem as it works directly with the subconscious – where the negative thoughts about ourselves live. Here we’ll explore self-esteem in more detail and explain exactly how hypnotherapy can help.

The effects of low self-esteem

Having a poor sense of self-esteem can have a huge impact on our happiness. It makes it difficult for us to recognize our strengths and what we’re good at, which can hold us back in both our personal and professional life. When we don’t think we’re capable of much, we avoid trying new things and can find ourselves trapped in our comfort zones.

We might struggle to show ourselves kindness and practice self-care, leading to stress and burnout. While low self-esteem isn’t a mental illness in itself, our mental health is affected. Long-term low self-esteem can lead to conditions such as depression and anxiety. You may also find that if you have a mental health condition, this, in turn, affects your self-esteem.

Low self-esteem can be caused by a number of reasons and will differ from person to person. Some may find their self-esteem has always been low, while others may experience a sudden change.

Some factors that can lead to low self-esteem include:
  • being abused
  • being bullied
  • finding it difficult to get a job
  • losing your job
  • experiencing discrimination
  • long-term stress
  • relationship difficulties
  • body image concerns
  • money/finance problems
  • physical or mental health conditions
  • growing up around overly critical authority figures

Regardless of the cause, it’s important to know that change is possible.

How can hypnotherapy help?

The negative perceptions we have about ourselves come about because our subconscious is trying to protect us. When we have a bad experience, for example, if we fail a math test at school, our subconscious will recognize this as something to be avoided. To protect us, it will tell us we’re bad at math’s and should avoid trying. This leads to stress and worry every time we have a math’s test, affecting our abilities (thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy).

Over time we learn that we are ‘bad’ at math’s and develop automatic negative thoughts on the subject that follow us into adulthood. This can then affect our confidence and make us wary of trying anything to do with numbers, including dealing with our finances.

As these automatic thoughts come from our subconscious, they are difficult to change through sheer willpower alone. Our subconscious doesn’t listen to reason and is… well, let’s just say it’s stuck in its ways.

And this is why hypnotherapy can be such a powerful tool.

The aim of hypnotherapy is to ‘talk’ directly to your subconscious, change negative thinking patterns and encourage more positive responses. So rather than a critical voice of fear, our subconscious can be taught to be encouraging and supportive.  

When we’re in a state of hypnosis (which is like deep relaxation or meditation) our subconscious is more open to suggestions. A hypnotherapist can then use suggestion techniques to help uncover negative thoughts and reframe them to be more positive.

Low self-esteem is effectively a learnt behavior; it’s something we’ve learnt after years of repetitive thinking (in our previous example, “I’m bad with numbers”). Hypnotherapy is a way we can unlearn these behaviors and create new, more supportive ones (such as, “I’m confident with numbers”).

I may teach you self-hypnosis too, allowing you to reinforce the positive suggestions offered in the session. Self-hypnosis can then work as a boost, helping to reaffirm your new way of thinking long after your sessions are over.

Hypnotherapy can be complemented by other self-development work too. Below we discuss some self-help tips you can try alongside hypnotherapy.

Self-help tips to raise self-esteem

Set yourself small challenges

We gain confidence and self-belief when we try new things and are successful. As scary as it may feel to do this, setting yourself personal challenges is a great way to develop self-esteem. Start small and build up to bigger challenges. When you have good experiences with this, note it down somewhere and remind yourself when you try something new again in the future.

Over time you’ll find yourself with a bank of evidence, proving that you are capable (this helps to bolster self-esteem).

Be more compassionate towards yourself

When our self-esteem is poor, it can be difficult to be kind to ourselves. Self-compassion is a practice, something that takes repetition. Try to get into a habit of showing yourself kindness, whether it’s through self-care or investing in professional support.  

Hold onto the positives

Because our subconscious likes to protect us from perceived danger, it tends to remember negative experiences more than positive experiences. This is called negativity bias. To overcome this, it’s helpful to put a real effort into noting when positive things happen. Write them down, take pictures – anything that will help you remember when you accomplish something (celebrate those wins!).

Practice gratitude

This negativity bias can affect our mood, making us feel like we have nothing to be grateful for. Making space to practice gratitude can help with this. Try using a journal and writing one thing you’re grateful for every day. Over time your mind will get into a habit of recognizing what it has to be grateful for and you’ll help change your thinking to be more positive.

Develop assertiveness

Low self-esteem can make us susceptible to people pleasing and saying yes when we really should be saying no. This is often because we don’t think we have a ‘right’ to say no.

Becoming more comfortable with the word ‘no’ and setting healthy boundaries is key in developing self-esteem. When we do this, we are reinforcing the message that we are worthy.

Remember, the perceptions we have of ourselves are often based on false beliefs we’ve formed in childhood. These beliefs are learned, which means we can unlearn them. Our self-esteem is malleable and able to change, as long as we have the right tools.

Relationship issues

Hypnotherapy for relationships helps get to the root of problems, change unhelpful behavior patterns and build confidence. Here, we explore the different relationship problems hypnotherapy can support with.

Us humans are social beings; we crave connection, intimacy and conversation. It’s perhaps no surprise then that when our relationships are in danger, we are deeply affected.

Whether these relationships are platonic or romantic, our emotions attached to them can be complicated. Often, experiences we have when we’re young affect our relationships as adults. We can learn unhelpful behaviors and be subconsciously affected by past events.

Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool for change and can help us understand why we feel and behave the way we do and support us to develop new ways of thinking. Here, we’ll look into some of the most common relationship issues and how hypnotherapy for relationships can help.

Toxic relationships

A toxic relationship is any relationship that has a damaging effect on you. This could involve a friend who always makes you feel bad about yourself or even being in an abusive relationship. Leaving relationships like this comes with its own sets of challenges. Often when we find ourselves in these situations we are being manipulated and lack the self-esteem and confidence needed to walk away.

If you are in an abusive relationship, please know that help is available – websites like Refuge and the Men’s Advice Line offer information, support and helplines.

After you leave a relationship like this, it can be difficult to get back to normal. You may find it hard to rebuild your confidence or overcome traumatic memories. Talking therapies such as counselling and hypnotherapy can support you with this.

Hypnotherapy for toxic relationships

If you need help building your self-esteem and confidence, hypnotherapy could help. Unhelpful patterns of thinking or behavior can be addressed, allowing you to move on and reconnect with yourself and your needs. It can help you rediscover your strength and ability to cope with the residual emotions from the relationship. You have a huge amount of power within you and hypnotherapy can help you tap into that and encourage you to hold your head up high.

Often used to manage anxiety, hypnotherapy can also help you anchor yourself in a safe place, learning to self-soothe and manage difficult memories.  

Moving on from a break-up

Break-ups can be incredibly sad and painful to experience. Whether the decision was mutual or not, the pain can linger long after the relationship ends. For some people, time and support from friends can help them move on and start the next chapter of their lives. For others though, the cycle of grief and loss that is so often felt after a break-up can be all-consuming and more difficult to escape. Often this is caused by an unconscious denial or non-acceptance of what’s happened.

Hypnotherapy for break-ups

Being stuck in certain ways of thinking, feelings and behaviors is something hypnotherapy can really support. Hypnotherapy can help you to reframe negative thoughts and behaviors and encourage you to see the break-up from a new, more positive perspective. For example, instead of feeling like your relationship was a failure, hypnotherapy can help you see how the relationship helped you learn something.

Dating confidence

Whether you’ve just come out of a relationship or you’ve been single for a while – dating can be a daunting experience. Meeting new people, opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be very difficult for some of us. You may struggle with confidence or even find yourself building walls and not allowing others in.

Hypnotherapy for dating confidence

Having a strong sense of self-belief is essential while dating. It allows you to feel confident in knowing what you want, what you deserve, and not settling for anything less. Hypnotherapy can help with this by reframing negative or limiting beliefs you might have about yourself (such as “I don’t deserve love”) into more positive suggestions to increase confidence and self-belief. If you struggle with letting people in, hypnotherapy can help you uncover any subconscious reasons why and help to encourage new patterns of behavior. Getting hurt is always a risk when it comes to relationships, but by building up your sense of worth and emotional resilience, it becomes a risk worth taking.